The Blessings and Beauty of Technology

Many young people today are so immersed in high-end media technology that they don't have the appreciative perspective of those of us born as recently as just a generation ago. I have been astonished by the advancements in audio and visual digital transmission we now take for granted but that actually evolved only in the very recent past.

A couple weeks ago, I visited my son, who impressed me with his high-end Samsung 55" big screen television, which was further enhanced by his multi-speaker sound system. Only a couple years ago, this size television was not even produced, much less affordable. The rapid pace of technology has afforded families the option of watching movies in their home in a more theatre-like environment and with incomparable quality. I know I had never experienced a picture like the one I viewed on my son's TV. The picture was so real that I felt as if I could almost reach out and touch the people on the screen. And, tonight, I watched my first digital broadcast concert by the Berlin Philharmonic through their website, Digital Concert Hall. It seems that it wasn't all that long ago that transistor radios, cassette recorders, then, walkman devices were the order of the day. As my husband and I enjoyed viewing the magnificent concert on my 17" Apple desktop monitor, we marveled at the clarity of the recording. It was virtually flawless and afforded us such a uniquely convenient experience.

The very fact that the concert came to us is still a bit of a revelation. Due to the fine camera work in the recording process, our seat in the "house" as it were, was better than any we could have had in the concert hall itself. We got close-ups of the musicians and the conductor that would beat any pair of high-powered binoculars out there. We didn't have to get in our car, deal with traffic, use up gasoline, pay a valet, hope that our seat was a good one, frustrate over rude attendees, wait until intermission to race to the restroom and hope that the line isn't too long, and reverse the process coming home. If I felt the need for a break, stretch or snack, I simply hit the pause icon and took care of my needs. You can't do that at a live concert! Yes, it is indeed a glorious convenience and one that is quite affordable. With concert tickets becoming more and more expensive, the Digital Concert Hall pays for itself in 2 viewings. The site has three levels of subscription but the one that makes the most sense for any serious music lover is the 12-month plan, costing €139 which works out to about $200. At this price, I may view 30 live performances and unlimited archived concerts and interviews for one year. Tonight my husband and I watched an outstanding performance of Beethoven's Choral Fantasy (played by Maurizio Pollini and Mendelssohn's 2nd Symphony conducted by Claudio Abbado. Maestro Abbado retired from conducting in 2002, so it all the more special that these recordings are available for audiences to enjoy his skilled directing capabilities.

Yes, we live in amazing times and the ability to acknowledge this is a blessing indeed. As I began this entry, I said that the young people of today take the current technologies for granted, but they too, will experience developments in the future that will take their breath away, I imagine. None of us can envision what those future inventions and improvements will be, but I'm grateful that there are probing, talented and curious minds working on the next great innovations. The future will be here before we blink!

My First Year Back at the Piano

As I look back on my past entries on my site, it has been just over a year since I began documenting my thoughts and passions. Where does the time go? I am re-reading my entries with great fondness and they bring me joy now, just as they did when I wrote them. I also noticed that it will be exactly one year (on August 20th) from the date that I resumed my piano studies. I can't deny that having seen the fascinating DVD on the Steinway factory, and the production process of its magnificent pianos, probably had something to do with my decision. Thank goodness for that glorious catalyst.

The past year has truly been an amazing journey for me - not only in the development of my piano skills but also in the lessons it has taught me about myself as I go through the rigors of developing my keyboard technique and "finding my voice" as it were on the instrument I love so much. When I set out a year ago to pick up where I left off so many years ago, I had visions and expectations that were probably highly unrealistic. One should never give up their goals but I learned that my sense of ambition had to be tempered somewhat while I solidified my foundations at the piano. It was not easy to put a lid on my aspirations, albeit temporarily, but I realized that if I continued to mentally pound away at myself as I was, I'd burn out very quickly and lose all I'd worked for. Of course, this realization didn't come in a timely fashion - it's only been in the last month that I've gotten ahold of my emotions and learned to calm down and ease up on myself at the piano. On several occasions, my piano books were flung on the floor and many tears of disappointment were shed. I wanted so badly to regain my technical bearings and I now understand that I pushed myself too hard when I should have been enjoying the experience.

I am lucky to be studying with a supportive and encouraging teacher, Tsoliné Hajian, who has shown me patience throughout. This road of discovery has been one of emerging self-awareness. It is not easy making these critical assessments of oneself, coming to grips with your shortcomings and limitations. We all have dreams and goals but a skill such as this takes time to develop and ripen. There are so many aspects of which I am continuing to gain control - from finger dexterity & strength to my frame of mind (controlling my emotions, state of relaxation and concentration). I think I have finally begun to accept how very intricate playing the piano is. It is not simply hitting the right notes, but a far more complex task than that. In the past month I've worked hard to stay relaxed and to truly enjoy my practice sessions, always being conscious to pace myself. Sitting down and practicing has never been a chore for me. Oddly enough though, the real challenge is being aware of when to get up, walk away and take a break. It has been a real eye-opener for me in so many respects. But I am enjoying my playing much more now that I am taking it one note at a time, one day at a time.

My First Bach Invention

After a couple of months, I have finally gained control of my first Bach invention (his #1). The first of many to come, I hope. I have long been familiar with his beautiful array of music but I had not played Bach prior to this piece. At first attempt, I was sure I would never get it. Bach may have had no problem composing and playing his works but I felt like I needed three hands to achieve what probably was child's play for him. I spent many an hour grinding away at the piece only to dissolve into tears and know that I would never get it. But as with my ballet, I always returned to the challenge and faced it head on, not letting it get the better of me. As a result, in short time, I turned the corner (as I frequently do) and came to really fall in love with his music as a pianist. It's challenging in so many ways. I find the intricacy quite fascinating, that is when it isn't driving me up the wall. His compositions (as anyone who knows Bach's works) are a showcase of his indescribable musical brilliance. It's very much like patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time. He was a genius and to be able to master even a simple piece of his gives me a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.

There is more work to be done on this piece, to be sure. There is one unfortunate pause (break) in the play, which I attributed to nerves, as I recorded this. It loses some of its original aural quality as it is recorded digitally on my piano. All I can say is "thank God, I'm not aspiring to Carnegie Hall". My living room will do just fine.

Note:  The prior recording that was logged here is not available.  I will have to establish a new recording, to be posted as soon as possible.  Thank you.

F.E.H.B.

The most fascinating part of playing the piano is how the FINGERS, EYES, HEART and BRAIN work, though not always in harmonious unison. It is an amazing process, but one that also has its frustrations as well as its elations. I am continually intrigued, yet challenged, by the ongoing tug between brain and fingers. As I learn a new piece it seems like a huge hurdle for both – the eyes have to take in the new notes and the brain has to make the fingers hit the right keys, while the heart pounds away with anticipation and nervousness. Sometimes I will sense that my brain is trying to pull me back and protect me from going the wrong direction on the keyboard or playing the wrong notes and other times my heart sends my fingers tumbling across the keyboard on their own and my brain is in neutral knowing that I am perfectly okay. It is indeed an odd feeling to realize that my fingers have a sense of their own. When this happens, the elation sets in and a broad smile crosses my face and I wonder to myself “did I do that?”. Those are the moments that pianists live for – that sense of ease and complete comfort in a piece where everything falls into place.

Of course, getting to that point is a process in itself. Starting and stopping, seemingly a million times over and breaking down sections that seem utterly simple yet pose difficulties that our brain can’t process. Practicing the right hand separately from the left and then bringing the two together poses what I can only term as a schizophrenic puzzle for my poor brain. Each stands confidently on its own but when joined with the other, presents new emotional demands requiring time and patience … not something I’m long on. I so often feel a sense of urgency to make continued progress at a particular pace and will put undue pressure on myself. This only adds bad “fuel to the fire” and it’s at those moments that I have to get up, walk away and shake it off.

My teacher has been wonderfully patient and encouraging though, showing me little tricks to curb the frustration and enhance the technique. As they say, “two eyes are better than one”. So true! She always reminds me that it should be a pleasurable process – not one of berating myself and pounding the keys in exasperation. I have shed some tears though when faced with a particularly tricky passage and what seems like a mountain of notes to climb. But we both know that one day, it will just happen. As effortlessly as I had hoped, my brain will relax and it will fall into place. Once again, those are the glorious moments of acquiring the skill of a playing a musical instrument. The keyboard is, of course, a unique challenge because it requires two hands playing at the same time. No other instrument operates this way. A violin, and even a clarinet, has only one line of notes, i.e. no upper and lower hands like the piano. So, the ultimate mastery of playing this beautiful instrument is that much more enriching. And I was wondering how I would keep my brain cells active as I enter my later years – Hahhh!! I can cross that concern off my list☺

The Sheer Joy

It is very difficult to express how much joy I am deriving from playing the piano once again. Having the opportunity to revive a passion is a rare experience and I’ve discovered that going back to my piano studies has made my life so much richer. There is the inevitable challenge of returning to the keyboard and awakening the skills that lay dormant in me for so many years, but I am relishing that challenge each time I sit down at the piano. In the beginning, frustration is a frequent emotion as well as other obvious hurdles I have to overcome, such as nervousness, my sense of impatience, solidifying my sight-reading and developing the dexterity in my fingers – all of which are that much more difficult in later years. But I also feel a renewed sense of determination that I did not have as a child that pushes me in a more focused direction. I willingly sit down at the piano each day with a real sense of purpose and determination that I did not have as a 10 year old. I find practicing to be absorbing and gratifying and will easily clock 3-4 hours over the course of the day.

I am also making continual and fascinating discoveries regarding how our brains retain information and how our fingers develop muscle memory. The process is an amazing and intriguing one. Each day I learn something new about myself, as I make little leaps of progress. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back and other times it is one step forward and two steps back. But remarkably the brain “figures it out”, and over time, I will see a breakthrough that is so utterly exhilarating, it takes my breath away. When I least expect it, I will hear and see myself effortlessly play a passage that I had struggled with for days. I may then lose it for a little bit, but it does eventually come back. Of course, achieving consistency is the real hallmark of ultimate progress and I know in time, that too, will come.

I feel truly blessed to be able to pursue this love of music that I hold so dear in my life. I am also very fortunate to be able to study with an inspiring and supportive teacher that knows just how much to push me, so I can realize my potential. What that potential is at this point, I cannot tell, but the journey is an instructive one, to be sure, and a glorious pursuit.